Five Great SNES Games, Or How I Wasted My Youth
If there is one thing that every single generation is guilty of, it is the act of being overly nostalgic (I am not guilty of loving Matlock, that blood is on your hands Grandma). I constantly find myself pining away for every little bit of my childhood as if my personal history was filled with such kick ass “activities” as bench pressing dangerous animals and erotically charged make out sessions with Punky Brewster and Winnie Cooper. Recently I decided to jump on the emulator bandwagon to relive all the old NES and SNES classics of my (non make-out session with various celebrities filled) youth. I wanted to recapture the long and lazy days with friends on the couch, staring at the glowing tube, gorging on chippos and caffeinated, sugar-filled beverines, callusing our fingers until they resembled the meat hooks of the late Bea Arthur. In honour of my fumbled attempt at recapturing the essence of my youth I will now count down my favourite SNES games of all time.
1. NHL ’94
Blades of Steel popped my videogame hockey cherry, but NHL 94 was the one I loved enough to introduce to my parents (I have no idea what that means). Everything was improved over NHLPA 93, including the addition of the one timer and the ability to hammer a guy over the boards and into the opposing team’s bench. I wasted months of my young life on that game…I REGRET NOTHING!
2. Super Mario Brothers All-Stars
Super Mario World would be the obvious (and a very good) choice here, but I have to go with this collection of Mario’s earlier adventures because I played this game to death (no amount of blowing could save it in the end). Sure I had played these games before (except for the Lost Levels, which was Mario 2 in Japan) but my little mind (my mind if we’re lucky…wink wink…wait is that a premature ejaculation joke?) essentially exploded as I saw my favourite game ever (Mario Brothers 3) with freshly polished graphics.
3. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents: Major League Baseball
Amazing graphics and great game play were the keys to what I still call…the greatest baseball game ever (Eat it MLB the Show 11)! My buddy Jeff and I had marathon sessions with this game, so much so that I would wake up and realise we had both fallen asleep with controllers in our hands mid-game. I will never forget the day he threw a can of Tahiti Treat at the TV in disgust after he lost game 7 of the World Series. I was pissed that he wasted a can of the nectar of the Gods, oh yeah…also the TV, he harmed the TV.
4. Super Mario Kart
The originator of the cart racing genre, and still my favourite (the newer iterations of the game were better, but as I explained, nostalgia is a powerful drug), this game pits an array of Nintendo characters in some awesome racing action. Gnarly weapons and creative tracks coupled with vicious multiplayer racing sold this game to young Helder. My friends and I used up most of the swear words we knew after getting smashed with an errant turtle shell right before the finish line.
5. Street Fighter II (Every Version)
By today’s standards I am terrible at videogames. At one time I was remotely decent, but these days I am worse than Hitler (at videogames, I heard he sucked something fierce at Dig Dug). But young or old (god I’m old, and alone, but that’s another blog for another day) I was always horrendous at fighting games. Horrific or not, I have always been in love with the Street Fighter series. My cousin Brian and I whittled away hours beating the game with each character so that we could see their ending story (not really videos, more like still frame montages). Yes, this was sad, pathetic, and awesome!!!!
*Well those are mine, let a brother know which games turned your pre-pubescent crank*