Seriously? Why?

I'm pretty pissed about the glasses, also the rape...the rape too

Rebooting/remaking a movie franchise is rarely ever ok.  Sometimes it’s necessary.  Sometimes when you need to air out the stench of Joel Schumacher’s bat nipples, its best just to blow it up and start from scratch.

One movie that isn’t ripe for remake is Sam Peckinpah’s uber-visceral Straw Dogs.  The story of a timid American man pushed too far (they raped his wife) by the locals of a small town in England.  By pushed too far, I mean kills the shit out of everyone who deemed it necessary to pick on the quiet guy with glasses (who probably enjoys puzzles).

Well they decided to remake it anyway, with James Marsden taking on the David Sumner role originated by Dustin Hoffman, quite the step down the pedigree ladder.  Don’t get me wrong, I dig Marsden as an actor, but those are some Shaquille O’Neal sized shoes to fill.  It would take two of his feet just to fill one of those shoes, or two of his feet and half a hand.  What were we talking about?  Oh right, shoes…I mean the unnecessary reimagining of Straw Dogs.  I haven’t seen the flick yet, but I’d imagine it’s a beat for beat remake with better picture quality and a band of more handsome rapists.

Hollywood is bereft of ideas and is chomping at the bit to remake any viable property they can get their mitts on (Tony Scott is set to ruin The Warriors for everyone).  So please, don’t go see this movie, or any remake that looks half baked or unnecessary.  Go to the video store–if they still exist by the time I end this sentence– and check out the original.  Then–if you feel as though it could use a fresh coat of paint and a prettier cast—go see the remake.

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About heldrificus

Comedy/pop culture writer for nerdnexus.com Bench presser of dangerous animals. Tosser of rings, not salads.

Posted on September 13, 2011, in Movies and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I have thing for Bat Nipples, as I am the real Batman!

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