In my 27 years on this spinning blue and green ball I’ve learned very few things. Here they are.
*This is a work of fiction, only most of these facts are definitely true*
1. The death of Paul Newman signalled the end of the “Cool white guy”. He was the last one. White people will be lame from now on.
2. You can fit 9 baby Hippos in a 1978 VW microbus (10 if the back seats have been replaced with a waterbed). Anything more is just plain greedy.