Like many kids born in the 80’s, I have always wanted to hit Dave Coulier in the genitals with a baseball bat. It’s nothing personal. For all I know, Dave Coulier is a class act. A man of honour and substance. None of this is relevant. His character Joey Gladstone: the basement dwelling, (probably) pedophile uncle, always seemed creepy to me. Using his cartoon impressions to lure unsuspecting kids down to his dungeon (is it taking it too far to call it a sex dungeon?). Even just kicking him right in the “woodchuck” seems satisfying to me (equally satisfying: hitting Kimmy Gibbler with a series of cars).
Well (clearly psychotic) people like me can have their wish, a street fighter-esque game featuring the cast of Full House. That’s right, Full House: Tournament Fighter. If this was out I’d buy it in a heartbeat. I would trade in everything I own, including my kidneys and three of my original teeth. I would sell the rights to my life story to Michael Bay (it would be a 90 minute movie about a person writing or watching TV with needless and unexplained explosions). Anything to get a crack at Uncle Joey, or to at least use the dog to maul one of the Olsen twins.